Friday, May 16, 2008

beauty and the mess, the mess, the mess...

beauty today, outside. sun, wispy clouds, blue-ness. beauty, indeed.

the mess of my soul. yes, inside I have felt like a mess. one who doesn't take time to get it together, to breathe, to sit, to pray, to feel the Spirit fillingmy empty places, my lungs, my holes. I have so many holes. when I have the time to be still, I don't want to. yet, I crave it. what is wrong with me? help, Jesus.

hospitality. decisions. life-interrupted. the Good News. the gospel of Jesus. the tough parts. following, not just believing. it can drain your soul, if you let it. if you try on your own strength, which perhaps I have done for too long.

there will be a cookout on Saturday. we're starting a neighborhood association. how did I get roped into this? didn't I say I was excited? did I lie? have I become discouraged?

I must pray; I must trust. I must live every day, trusting on provision. I am not real good at this!

Jesus, come.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


yes, motionless. That's how I find myself this morning at any attempt to do.... work. It's beautiful outside; that's where I want to be. Memphis weather isn't always this great, so I need to snag it before it's gone. But that's not the real reason I can't keep my hands busy today.

Today I want to stop. I'm tired of getting phone calls about financial assistance and not having the answers. I am not the Church; I cannot fix everyone's problems. I am a part of the Church--a member of the body of Christ, but I cannot do everything. Not that anyone explicitly asked me to, but it's starting to feel like it.

It's hard to bridge gaps; it's hard to try to teach people to be the Church.

Let me be idealistic for a moment; Church--let's wake up and start taking care of each other! It's my hope that one day I can pick up the phone, hear this concern/request, and then call on a small group of Christians to take on this need as their own, seek the source of the need, and meet it.

Taken advantage of. This is most people's concern, to be taken advantage of. My answer is--you will be. That's what happens when you enter into relationship, things don't go right, they're hard, they're messy. This is relationship, community; this is life.

more to come.