what we once called home

This is it, the place I used to call home. We're in Waynesboro, visiting the 'rents, old friends, and the Family I'll never forget and never, ever replace. Yes, the Spiritual Warriors, as we've forever dubbed ourselves. My youth group from First United Methodist Church in Waynesboro. We weren't just a youth group, we were most suredly a family. We reminisced over lunch at Robinson St. together (where I highly recommend the gravy fries and chicken salad sandwich) about all the things that make Jeff insanely bored and out-of-place but like an enduring spouse, he.... endured.

It's good to be here with them, good to see them carrying on and living well and being faithful to the One.

But still, I know, that once you've left, it's hard to come back. Would we make it after being gone to Memphis? Could anyone take in our opinions and the way we dress and Jeff's love for imported beers (always in moderation, of course). I'm afraid we might be dubbed as too different... and for this, I just smile and consider myself very blessed to have grown up in such a safe place with loving people in the Family of God. But as Sara sings it (always so well)...

the places that used to fit me
cannot hold the things I've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned. [sara groves]

Still it's so good to be back....

Memphis, O Memphis...

Well, I admit it: I'm glad you brought us here. Maybe it's the cooler weather convincing me of this gladness, but regardless. Oh, how I am glad...

in my mind I'm gone to Carolina...

It's that kind of day today. Yes, the kind where I want to drive to North Carolina and never look back. I've had a lot, lot, lot of those lately. To breathe mountain air. to hike. to find a waterfall. walk a street. write a song inspired by mountains. This is the stuff I've been dreaming about for years, but sometimes I feel it more than others. Will the mountains seem less grand once I live there? Sometimes, probably. Will it start to feel like home more than a fun vacationy spot? Yes, probably. But that's okay.

And if I never get to live there, I will wait for the next part of eternity... THE heavenly home.


"yes, I'm gone to Carolina in my mind."

blogging in a snobby coffee shop

Apparently, it's the new hip and cool thing to be nonchalant, in a hurry (when I'm the only person waiting in line), avoid eye contact and any real human interaction, and frankly, just be a snob. You think I'd get used to it, but every time I come to these places, I'm frankly, quite amazed. He literally swiped my card, and slid it across the countertop back to me--and we're talking, a good, fast slide. I mean, I thought I'd miss it and it would hit the floor. I hope I would have been witty enough to say, "Oh! Point for you, better step up my game!" I'm sorry. I didn't know we were playing bar hockey. Whatevs.

Alas, I keep coming back to these places (though more and more infrequently.) When I want to be left alone to read and blog to myself, I can surely count on having that here. But truly, Caritas village is the place for warmth, a good, cheap lunch, and free wireless.... and Charlie. Good ol' Charlie.

Girls' Club. It's going to be a blast. Monday nights from 6-7pm we hang out with 1st-6th graders, and when we break up for Bible story time, I get the 4th-6th graders. We pick them up before, too, and on my route I get to pick up the Burundian girls (Burundi = African country, just to those who don't have a world map shower curtain) which is such a joy! I'm determined to learn their names, which shouldn't be too difficult except for nshiminana... or something like that. Oh man, the beauty....

Memphis. All I've got to say to you, Family, is that if you move here, you'll get your hands dirty and see some beauty and challenge and good music. So... just let me know, and we'll move into a big house together.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Yes, I'm reading this particular book by Barbara Kingsolver, and I'm officially grossed out by caged chickens led to slaughter. But more than anything, I'm distraught at the beauty and creativity of God that is destroyed when we make animals and food production what it's become today (corporate, single-specied) in the name of efficiency and obesity. I could go on and on.... It did nudge me towards the farmer's market this past weekend with my lovely new sister, Michelle, and my eyes were aglow! I don't even eat many veggies, but let me tell you, I'm on my way to eating more and the bright colors at the market sure know how to inspire...

You, O God, know more beauty and color and love than I could ever imagine. And you're showing me...

Our Table is Full...

Since moving to Memphis 7 months ago, our supper table has been full many nights, full of vibrant conversation, hearty laughter, and good food (courtesy of my hubby, Jeff, the best chef in this-here neck of the woods.) Just last night we had our new neighbors over, who just moved in down the street from Nashville. Newlyweds, void of cellphones and too many vehicles, they have after only a couple of visits in one-week's time, proved to be easy to begin to get to know. Never could I have imagined having this many people around the dinner table! It is quite joyous. If your dinner table is empty, I encourage you to fill it up...

I begin reading Richard Foster's 'Freedom of Simplicity' today, something that has been on my reading list for quite some time. Appropriately, I am refraining from reading 3 or 4 books at one time (as I so often do) while I read his thoughts. This is, after all, a book about simplicity of the heart and the home, so why clutter it up with multiple reads? I may, however, have to have two books going at the same time, as my new friend let me borrow a book about a family who challenged themselves to one year of eating and buying locally, with lots of recipes and gardening advice weaved through the pages. Exciting! The tomatoes on our front porch are, sadly, proof that I do indeed need to read this book.

This Fall will most surely be full of new dinner guests and become very familiar with a few constant faces. If you plan on coming for a visit, be ready for Indian food and new conversation. We invite you to our table...

just give me room to breathe...

sometimes it feels like suffocating, this place that I am in. Reading Josh's blog earlier I longed for the space to question and speak frustrations and joys and doubts; room to be who I am, while still exploring who I'm becoming; a place to laugh and wiggle and not always be so sure about everything, to not have everything figured out; room to breathe. I think most of us long for that; I do every day in this season of my life.

working in the church is good and important and hard. what an important and often trying place! the lessons I am learning... they are valuable and timely. but oh how sometimes it feels hard to breathe.

but I am reminded just now that my brothers and sisters here do give me that, Ashok and Neha give me that space, Matthew gives me that space. Thank you for that, my dear family. But I still feel suffocation some days, a sense of out-of-place-ness.

I don't think my mind and heart and gifts were built for strategies and plans and business models; my heart and mind seem to be all over the place most of the time, and I like it that way.

I miss you, brothers and sisters who give me room. At this moment, I'm thankful the dinner tables and firesides that have let me breathe freely, and I long for them once again.



room to breathe; I need room to breathe.

Much has happened since I've last found some words to put down. Jeff and I celebrated our one year anniversary on August 11, while having dinners and laughs with Heather, Braden, Laura, and Casey in Nashvilla. Ah, it's always great to see a new city! It's also great to celebrate good things, like anniversaries. We thawed the wedding cake, which suprisingly, was still pretty tasty. Maybe the better your first year of marriage, the better your cake tastes. Hmmm. It was definitely a good year...

And a BIG YEAR. We changed cities, states, jobs, restaurant choices, and front porch views. We gained new friends and kept good, good "old" ones (and might I add, you discover depth of friendships by the ones who end up on your doorstep and at your dinner table from hundreds of miles away!) We've been in Memphis for almost 7 months now, and it's been wonderful and hard. Living in the same city as Larry Ray Reed, Kim Perry, and Ashok & Neha is certainly a good, good thing. But it's also hard living in a place with so much need and despair and division. I've written enough blogs on this, so no need to go into it here. But I'll keep reminding us...

Beauty is best when it is born out of brokenness.

We've been back from Zambia for almost 2 weeks now. It was terrific and fun and tiring and difficult. I was struck by the simplicity and the sunsets and the potholes (and they were definitely serious potholes!) We learned a lot about flexibility and patience. We learned something about hunger, though nothing compared to those who know what starving is. We worshipped and prayed in different languages, but in the same Spirit. We added to the beauty, together. The story I love telling best is this one.

As we were watching "the Jesus film" one night, this little girl of 5 or 6 sat next to me. She spoke Tonga; I spoke English. So basically, we didn't speak at all. but at the end of the film, when the Zambians begin to sing and worship, she reached over nonchalantly and took my hand, clasped it, sometimes clapping with it, but mostly holding it, and just held it for what seemed like forever. No big gushy production. We just sat under the African sky, stars beaming, holding hands and worshipping in Tonga. Simple and incredible.


I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

something on the road, cut me to the soul....

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love...

[sara groves]



yes, words just get in the way.